SFP

It isn't that...

2007-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

It isn't that I don't want to podcast. I really do! I miss it.

I even have a ton of stuff I could talk about:
- going on dates (that right there is a TON of material)
- my volleyball team is second in our league with a 6 and 1 record
- My employer may or may not be closing; no one knows for sure
- I'm going to interview Matthew and his mother from In The Air

But I've been a little chicken; I don't have a good co-host right now and everyone says that it's the co-host relationship is what makes a podcast entertaining. I don't want to BORE you.

Or you.

You...I don't care about boring.

I definitely don't want to bore YOU!

So, what's a podcaster to do?

I miss you.

Jeff

I've been interviewed!

2007-09-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

Hi! Remember me? Jeff, the Soda Jerk? I know, I haven't been around much in a while. Trust me, that's about to change again. I pinky swear.

But take a look at this! I've been interviewed over at "In The Air" by Matthew, probably one of the coolest kids in the world. Check out my interview, his awesome questions, and all of his other interviews.

Thanks, Matthew!

Tagged by Matthew

2007-07-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

I had the honor to be tagged by Matthew at In the Air to complete a Meme.

Actually, he tagged me about two weeks ago but I haven't been around. But, man! What an honor to be tagged by him! You have to go check out his site.
Here are the questions -

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
I had just started grad school and my job with Kentucky Wesleyan College. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

2. What were you doing 1 year ago?
Absolutely nothing worth mentioning. Going to work, sitting at my desk, working a little, goofing off a lot, occaisionally making fart noises with my armpits. Not much has changed in the last year.

3. Five Snacks You Enjoy:
MMs
almonds
peaches
Oreos and milk
Dove dark chocolate squares.

4. Five Songs That You Know All The Lyrics To:
Good Lord! I know a lot of lyrics to a lot of songs. So, the first five that come to mind are:
All My Life - Foo Fighters
Stoned in Love - Chicane
Kiss - Prince
The Becoming - Nine Inch Nails
Symphony of Destruction - Megadeth

I've been listening to a lot of metal lately, I guess. Maybe I should cut back?

5. Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire:
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel).

If you're confused by that, listen to "If I Had $1,000,000" by Barenaked Ladies. Laugh. Repeat.

I would:
Invest wisely
quit work for a couple of months and travel the world
pay off debt
start a college fund for my future son or daughter (I'll have one someday, I'm sure)
make farting noises with my armpits

6. Five Bad Habits
Making farting noises with my armpits
burping loudly
fearing change
driving too fast
eating too fast

7. Five Things You Like To Do
travel
drive my car
sing and play guitar
meet new people
flirt

8. Five Things You Would Never Wear Again
plaid polyester pants
stockings (high school play)
a marching band uniform
a cape
milkbone underwear

9. Five favorite toys
iPod
my guitars
my volleyball
my PlayStation II
the hearts of countless women in civilized nations around the globe.

Thanks for the tag, Matthew!

For those of you looking for a podcast, we'll see if we can get one done this week. Cheers!

Pickup lines that don't lead to marriage

2007-06-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

Weddings and stoned videographers and failed pick-up attempts with mall kiosk employees (like the ones in the picture). What better way to spend 20 minutes at the Soda Fountain than talking about trying to pick up a beautiful young Marine with a horrific pick-up line and bombing on the phone!

Moon and Stars

2007-06-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

Tommy was at a wedding this week and Craig was unavailable. So instead of the traditional podcast I worked on my audio engineering skills.

After several hours working on sound design I invented moon and stars. It's only the intro and first verse but I thought you might like a sneak peak. I'll be showing you the full song as soon as it's done.

(Chorus)
Take the moon, the stars
with never a question
even though there's seldom enough
to go around
maybe you'll find a way, someday
to use them
until then, hide them in your heart
where they can't be found

Hope they live to tell...

2007-06-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

This week we're taking bets on whether two people I had sushi with the other night live to see their 30s. And there's some swashbuckling. Finally, Jeff closes the podcast with an accoustic cover of one of his favorite songs. In one take. And it's the first time he's performed "live" in about 6 years.

Quite nerve wracking. But what the hell...nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The Grand Re-Opening!

2007-05-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the grand re-opening of the Soda Fountain! It's really good to see you!

I'm joined behind the counter at the re-opening by Tommy, screenwriter and movie critic extraordinaire. We went to see Spiderman 3 together and...well...upon leaving the theater our souls felt like this.

Join us as we discuss extra-galactic romance, nuclear experiments in open pits in grassy fields in the middle of Manhattan, and Bob Fosse inspired dance scenes. All are part of Spiderman 3, and all are reasons to never EVER watch this film.

2007-05-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

Pretty, huh? She's my new Studio Projects C3 mic. I need to come up with a name for her.

Guitar Center was a little weak on their customer service. I called today to check on the status of my order. The first answer they gave me was that I should have it around the 30th of May.

They quickly found out that was the wrong answer. I made sure they understood that.

I should have it in my hands on Friday night. Which is not a moment too soon...I'm really looking forward to getting back behind the Soda Fountain. Life has been interesting and there are plenty of stories to tell...

Hold, please

2007-05-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

So, the new kick-ass mic is on it's way. It's seriously awesome.

But I don't have it yet. And I don't have access to another mic.

In other words, it's going to be a couple more days, probably mid-week next week.

Please hold...

It won't be long now

2007-05-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

New Topics.
New Look.
New Podcasts.

Same old smart-ass attitude that brought you here in the first place.

We should be up and running again by May 22, 2007.

Go ahead. Feel free to wet yourself in anticipation.

Grieving

2007-04-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

My heart goes out to all victims and families affected by the shootings at Virginia Tech on Monday 4.16.2007. May God be with you and comfort you.

Unexpected Delays

2007-02-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

Due to some unexpected issues cropping up in my life, I'm unable to podcast for a short time. When things level out, I'm sure I'll be back and ready to build my listener base back up from the ground.

Until then, be well. I look forward to seeing you all on the other side of all of this, even though I don't know what the other side looks like right now.

Jeff

The Valentine's Day Podcast

2007-02-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

The special, limited edition, Valentine's Day edition of the Soda Fountain Podcast. The theme this week includes no less than 18 ideas of songs you can serenade your lover with. Although some of them probably wouldn't be suitable for foreplay.

This week we discuss the ramifications of Anna Nicole Smith's death, identify who the true father of her baby is (as well as how the child was concieved), and finally Craig and I answer a listener's question about what to get his girlfriend for Valentine's Day.

And I learn that Craig has never actually listened to a Soda Fountain Podcast. Very disappointing.

Uh-Oh

2007-02-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

It's been impossible to podcast this week, due to scheduling issues. I know I'm breaking the number one rule of blogging/podcasting (consistency), but I may have to just skip this week and post again next week.

I'll be back soon!

Changing things up a bit...

2007-01-29T14:53:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed in the previous post that things have changed ever-so-slightly. I've decided to upload my podcasts to the Twango servers, which allow me to post a widget on the blog entries to play the podcast directly from your browser. It looks great in Internet Explorer and works well.

Twango has also enabled me to let people subscribe to the podcast through iTunes. Click on the button below to do so. This will set up your iTunes to add me as a podcast and will update your podcast playlist everytime I upload a file.

I hope this makes things easier for you. I'll troubleshoot whatever problem there is with Firefox.

Jeff

The Naked Podcast!

2007-01-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

BEST VIEWED IN INTERNET EXPLORER

A Soda Fountain Public Service Announcement...sort of.

I found my way to a very cool video online, which made me smile, which made me explore the details about the music behind it, which led me to believe that if I shared the video AND the details of the song with you you'd be just as happy as I was.

Oh, and I did this all while fulfilling my promise from last week to do this podcast nude.

For maximum enjoyment, follow the links above while listening.

Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you

2007-01-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

GOOOOOAAAAAALLLL!

Well, that's what they would've said in Latin America if they had been watching Sunday's North American football games.

We start off this podcast talking about a Grammy contender in 1985...that's right, I'm talking about the Superbowl Shuffle by the 1985 Chicago Bears. Here I tell you all the facts about the Superbowl Shuffle you wanted to know but didn't know you wanted to know.

You'll want to follow this link, by the way:
Order the SuperBowl Shuffle

And then we round off the podcast with some details about how I waste my time in any given week, why a wife induced labor early in Chicago, why you never get in the way of my wife when she's playing PlayStation, and other assorted musings.

Chicane (featuring Tom Jones) leads us out of this podcast with one of my favorite songs from 2006.

One last thing. I'm working on getting this podcast listed on iTunes. I'll keep you updated.

STREAM AUDIO

DOWNLOAD AUDIO (RIGHT CLICK AND "SAVE")

E-MAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Problem with audio

2007-01-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Oops.

When editing last night, I failed to notice there was about 8 minutes of silence at the end.

Although I fixed it today, I can't upload the audio again until tonight. So, yeah...

I'll post it tonight. Sorry for the delay!

Jeff

Have patience, you weisenheimer

2007-01-22T14:19:00.000-08:00

Weisenheimer - A term used by great-grandparents in the place of "smart ass". Also a term of endearment within the Weisenheimer family of Dusseldorf.

Yes, this is the coat of arms for Dusseldorf.

This week's podcast will be posted on Tuesday.

If you're love my podcasts, it will be more of the same!

If you hate them, this one is entirely different! It'll change your life!

Either way, you really ought to stop by tomorrow. Especially those of you who live in Dusseldorf. After all, I did put your coat of arms on here...

2006 - A Look Back at the Idiots

2007-01-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

The worst of 2006! Join me as I run through the best of the worst of 2006; the most annoying, the most stupid, and the most insipid.

It's amazing, the things that some people did last year. And just when they thought the publicity has blown over, I take them and thrust their idiocy back into the limelight for one last "hurrah!"

The topics of the list are from RetroCrush.com (but the commentary is all me). I didn't read the entire list and, believe me, it is worth reading!

So you really should stop by RetroCrush and read the rest. You won't regret it.

STREAM AUDIO

DOWNLOAD AUDIO

SEND A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

So, this is the new year...

2007-01-07T10:45:00.000-08:00

To say that the last two weeks have been interesting would be analagous to me saying I like to talk. On the one hand, it's a podcaster's dream (there's so much to talk about).

On the other hand, I have five fingers.

Let's see....there's the rave thrown by my seven-year-old nephew, our cat making his displeasure with us quite clear, Illinois women putting the "belly" back into "belly dancing"...and a WHOLE lot of traveling.

Work will be relaxing compared to the last two weeks. But it's really good to be podcasting again. I've missed you all very much!

Check out this link to one of the best restaurants in the midwest, Montgomery's on the Square.

STREAM AUDIO

DOWNLOAD AUDIO

ASK A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

The Annual Soda Fountain Christmas Letter

2006-12-19T10:59:00.000-08:00

Here at the Soda Fountain, we find nothing quite as comical as the annual Christmas letter sent by many a family. I don't care about your baby's first dirty diaper, or the $500,000 house you just bought, or the bunions on your feet. Let alone about your broken hip or the case of diphtheria you caught while traveling overseas.

So, in the spirit of the holidays, we make fun of the people who earnestly send these ridiculous letters.

Oh, and I treat you to a couple of choice moments for the late Tiny Tim's Christmas CD. Note the cover of the CD below...truly the most frightening Christmas CD cover ever.

Happy Holidays from Jeff and Craig! May your nog be eggy.

STREAM AUDIO

DOWNLOAD AUDIO

ASK A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for December 12, 2006

2006-12-12T09:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm flying solo without Craig again this week. He was in no shape to podcast when we touched base on Monday.

Tis the season of the office party. If you work, you're probably going to have to go to one. I feel your pain.

But I can help! You SHOULD NOT attend your office party before listening to this podcast about holiday party "Do"s and "Don't"s. Take my tips into consideration and you'll have an...appropriate office party.

It may not be fun, but it'll be appropriate.

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

O Holy Podcast

2006-12-05T15:32:00.000-08:00

Horrible Christmas music, ugly alien babies, The Sneeze, Christian talent night audition tapes...only at the Soda Fountain could these topics be held together by the glue that is ADD.

Christmas Music is a genre of music that I love to hate. The quality of Christmas music is, I think, inversely proportional to the sincerity of the artist recording it. The song I feature on this podcast is solid proof of this mathematical theory.

Thank you to The Sneeze. Go there now, won't you?

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for November 27, 2006

2006-11-28T12:06:00.000-08:00

Nothing makes Thanksgiving quite as memorable as throwing your back out two days before and being laid-up on your back. It's the third time it's happened in the last 2 years....so I guess it's my new pastime.

And while it hurt, it didn't come near to the experience I had last spring when I threw it out, went to a gas station to fill up my car, collapsed, went to the emergency room, got shot up with morphine, and commenced to terrorize the little girl in the bed next to me.

It's really a good story...and it'll make you think twice about throwing out your back as a hobby.

I close the podcast with a song from Sarah McLachlan's new CD "Wintersong." It's a cover of an old Joni Mitchell song called "River" and it's gloriously haunting.

Enjoy.

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Podcast to be posted on Tuesday

2006-11-27T12:18:00.000-08:00

Hey, all you cool cats and kittens out there in Blogland. This week's podcast will be posted on on Tuesday November 28 2006. It's sure to be a rootin-tootin good time, so don't forget to tune in tomorrow for your weekly dose of grand idiocy and misadventure.

Jeff and Craig

The Thanksgiving Podcast

2006-11-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

I'm joined this week behind the soda fountain by Craig who starts off the podcast describing the pimped-out rental car he's had the last several weeks he's been working in Texas.

The subject of Thanksgiving comes up (naturally), which leads to a story about drunkeness at the Thanksgiving table when I was 9.

Which leads to more stories about drunken mis-adventures through the years.

And the mystical nature of urinal cakes as aphrodisiacs comes up. As Craig notes, Not even the music of Teddy Pendergrass can come close to the panty-dropping powers of urinal cakes.

Happy Thanksgiving. As you celebrate, don't forget the Native Americans we wiped out with our smallpox-infested blankets.

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for November 13, 2006

2006-11-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

In this week's podcast ADD takes over more than usual.

It seems self-explanatory that you shouldn't wear a tie while shredding. And yet, I have a story to tell about the dangers of industrial strength shredders. I shed a tear over Brittney's and K-Fed's pending divorce, tell you why there have been changes made to the Soda Fountain, and answer the age-old question of "parkways vs. driveways".

Hey, while you're listening you should check out the following sites mentioned in this podcast! Jill Writes Post Secret The Straight Dope

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

ASK A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Welcome to...um....here!

2006-11-09T17:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Soda Fountain! I'm Jeff, and my partner in my misadventures is (and always has been) Craig.

Some of you have been led here from the previous soda fountain blog; I should probably explain.

On the prior blog I had maintained my anonymity and had written about some very personal stuff.

But then I started to change direction; I decided to try my hand at podcasting. I discussed the idea with Craig and sketched out some ideas that would be fun for me to record (and for you to listen to). For the first month I posted the podcasts on the other site in case I ditched the idea and wanted to go back to the way things had been.

Guess what? I liked it!

Podcasting is the cat's pajamas. The bee's knees.

But there were two problems. First of all, it's hard to tell stories with a friend when your friend is not used to calling you by a psuedonymn. And secondly, the tone of the podcasts just don't match the feel of the prior posts.

And so, it's time to start with a fresh blog.

Podcasts are posted every Monday.

Sometimes I podcast alone, sometimes Craig is here as well.

Sometimes I feature a segment called "Answers From An Idiot." This is your chance to ask me anything and hear my answers (which are usually unexpected and very often devoid of pesky "facts" and "Truth").

Well, now that you're here, let us serve you up a slice of storytelling. Life is too short to not laugh.

Soda Fountain Podcast for October 31, 2006

2006-11-09T16:09:00.000-08:00

I took a break from scaring trick-or-treaters last night to podcast, and a good thing I did too!

Allow me to introduce, for the first time on this podcast, Craig the Extraordinary. Blessed both with amazing guitar chops and a hearty sense of humor, Craig and I share tales of the most frightening moments in his life...including one from college when an incredibly stinky guy moved to his floor.

Oh, and a little tip from your Uncle Jeff; don't ever invite Craig to do a tarot card reading for you. You'll find out why when you listen...

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for October 26, 2006

2006-11-09T16:07:00.000-08:00

This week's podcast discloses matters of an extremely private and sensitive nature...I'm finally letting a secret out about how Rhymes With Orange's songs are written.

Never before have these facts been revealed.

Oh, and I also talk briefly about Halloween costumes and Tickle Me Elmo and how expensive it is to learn how to dance.

C'mon in! The Soda Fountain is open for business!

This week's question comes from ChickyBabe at Chicken or the Egg. Stop by her blog, why don't you?

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for October 18, 2006

2006-11-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

They Might Be Giants help me introduce this week's podcast, where I discuss radio personalities suffering from poverty, how gruesome fashion and style was in the 50s (except for my parents, of course), and answer the age-old question about how mayonnaise manufacturers are plotting to take over the world.

Oh, and I have a beer with you. A pumpkin ale, to be precise.

In other news, Craig and I did a podcast trial run last night. Though it was very, very good we're not planning on releasing it at this time due to a minor technical glitch. It was great practice, though, and I'm confident in our on-air chemistry.

Trust me, it's going to be a treat for all of you!

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for October 12, 2006

2006-11-09T16:03:00.000-08:00

In this week's podcast, Grandpa Simpson weighs in with his opinion of the quality of my podcasting.

It's been an interesting week, as far as my eyes go. Doctors telling me it would be an honor for them to improve my vision, stories of severe head trauma...lots of stuff to talk about. Come have a seat at the fountain while I spew tales of all things occular.

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

EMAIL A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED BY THE IDIOT

Soda Fountain Podcast for October 3, 2006

2006-11-09T13:59:00.000-08:00

The Inaugural Podcast is now live and floating out in cyberspace! It's sure to become a collector's item, so go get yours while you can!!

In this podcast, I answer Reagan's question about the residents of a small island off of Trinidad. And you get to hear the 16 second podcast theme for the first time, in all it's glory.

AUDIO STREAM

AUDIO DOWNLOAD

If you want to submit a question to be answered in an upcoming edition of the Soda Fountain Podcast (and we all know you do), why don't you drop me an e-mail? Here's a link to get you started:

E-MAIL A QUESTION

I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon...